When the pressure builds and allergy anxiety hits
I love eating out. I love food, restaurants, being cooked for, and being invited to dinner. But sometimes the expectations around eating-events builds into an overwhelming pressure for everything to go well. This is one way my allergy anxiety triggers. The need to please, for things to live up to my hopes and the worry it will all go smoothly can all become too much.
Guess what! That’s ok. That’s normal when you live with food allergies.
The other day my grandma and I planned on going out for dinner. I was in the city for one night, and we wanted to spend a lovely evening together. We both just so happened to be craving salmon. Since we had it in our minds that we would be going out for dinner, which would be fun and unusual for the two of us, we were determined to find a place that would a) serve salmon, b) is walkable, and c) allergy friendly. As we googled and googled, and finally exhausted our options of restaurants that would cater to our needs, my anxiety started to creep up.
When allergy anxiety comes creeping
By analysing so many places to eat, I started to question how safe they would be, if my allergies would feel like a hassle, and whether I could even eat what I was craving. Plus my luck with dining in Toronto has been less than perfect. I was setting myself up for the perfect storm of allergy anxiety.
Afraid to ruin our girls night, I excused myself for a few minutes to recenter and come up with a new plan. We were going to make salmon ourselves. The work was no problem, in fact, the thought of cooking was 100% less stressful than the idea of eating out at that point. My grandma wanted to treat me. We decided to head to Whole Foods and she would pay for the groceries. We adjusted our expectations for the evening and she still got to treat!
The pressure of going out for dinner had gotten to me and I needed to find a sense of control before letting my allergies take over an entire evening. I knew that even if we found the perfect restaurant, I would not be the greatest company because I had experienced anxiety already.
5 Techniques to coping with allergy anxiety
When the pressure to dine out or eat at someone else’s becomes too much I use the following techniques:
1. Nip the anxiety in the bud. Learning my physical triggers has been extremely helpful in catching and coping with allergy anxiety. For me it starts with a tension in my chest, moves to my back and I start to round inwards. Once this happens I begin to mentally disconnect from those around me.
2. Excuse yourself, take a few deep breaths, access how you are feeling, and recenter.
3. Come up with an alternative that makes you more comfortable and that will hopefully please most people involved (you can never please everyone – that’s ok).
4. Don’t be afraid to leave or wait to eat at home/when you feel better.
5. Be open about your feelings and communicate your needs. If you don’t have allergies it can be challenging to understand the anxiety that comes with them. The best thing you can do is try to explain it to others. I like tell them that when you live with food allergies you have to be prepared to adjust your expectations.
What coping techniques do you have when you are experiencing allergy anxiety?
Yes! Come up with an alternative – don’t make things hard on yourself and listen to yourself! So glad you had a great night with your grandmother!
Thanks Jules. Flexibility can feel hard to practice, but is a crucial part of living with food allergies.
I love that you and your grandma were both flexible and made your own salmon at home and still had a beautiful evening together!. It’s important to remain flexible and more importantly to recognize your body’s cues when anxiety comes creeping.. thanks so much for sharing this Kortney! It’s so helpful ❤️
Thanks Shahla. I am so amazed at how recognising physical cues has helped manage anxiety. Getting to know yourself on many levels 😀
I have to admit, eating out does stress me out sometimes! My reaction isn’t immediately severe, but I’ve had enough bad to severe reactions that I always feel hesitant at restaurants. We pretty much stick to Asian food since I’m dairy-free. These are some great tips for venturing out a little more.
Thanks Alisa. Sometimes the feeling of stress is not worth the trouble of dining out, since you won’t be able to enjoy it. Ultimately I always need to remind myself of why I want to dine out – most of the time it is to spend time with someone – so the food is secondary.