The following content contains subject matter and language that could be triggering for those struggling with disordered eating and their relationship with food.
This blog post is about my journey and is not intended as medical advice. I will do my best to give accurate information about what works for me. Please talk to your doctor to learn more about the right path for you.
Want to know something crazy? You can see the evolution of my disordered eating through past blog posts.
Part of my healing process with disordered eating and falling back in love with food was to throw away all my diet books. This got me thinking, what about the blog posts that I wrote about the diets and eliminations? Do I need to throw them out as well?
As I started to look back at the archives I noticed undertones of disordered eating. I wanted to write about relevant trendy things and how I was trying to heal my eczema naturally. Basically, they were all diets in one form or another, which slowly started to feed my disordered eating tendencies.
I’m not saying that blogging gave me disordered eating. Instead, I am saying that I used my blog as yet another excuse to justify why I was doing what I was doing, dieting.
I’m still not sure if I will delete the diety/trendy posts, but for now, I have amended them to add my current feelings on the subject. So if someone lands on them they can see two sides of the story. I never want to put my judgments or feelings of what is right onto someone. Instead, I hope to provide information that will help them make a balanced decision.
(you can check out my thoughts on each post and the amendments at the end of this post)
Question all info!
When you read any blog, mine included, you need to ask yourself why are they telling this story. Some messaging I have seen from dieticians warn “if they promise it will cure you, watch out”. They are so right. Be careful about what you read and question their intentions (this goes for allergies as well as diets).
When you read about someone’s health & wellness journey ask yourself: Did it really go that well for them? What is the other side of the story they aren’t capturing with their camera? How are they x months later?
I never wanted to dig that deep because I just wanted it to work, so I went in with one eye shut. Open your eyes! Question if it’s right for you.
Where am I now with disordered eating?
Well that was not really a catch-up, was it? This isn’t the post I was planning on writing, but I think I have a responsibility to you. One that says: yes, I got caught up with the trends. But I learnt my lesson and I hope that what I can offer you is my experiences.
I originally wanted to open up more on the status of working with a dietitian for food anxiety and how my journey of falling back in love with food is going. As I tried to write that post I recognised that it is still too early to even think about sharing. Opening up at this point in time would be irresponsible to my mental health – I’m in the early stages. What I can say is that working with a dietitian is the best choice I could have made and cannot recommend it more!
My disordered eating through past posts
If you are curious about those posts and are in a place to read about diets, here are the posts I mentioned. I have included amendments at the top of each post if you want to read on.
In this post, you can see the rumblings of food anxiety, and the start of eliminating foods out of fear I may be allergic to due to cross-reactivity. This doctor visit implanted something in my mind because I started to see the time of day as a factor in eating and also classifying foods as ‘bad’.
“I love eating late and raw food, so a second opinion is welcome.”
Why didn’t I stay sceptical? To be honest this appointment was the catalyst to my sugar fear and I started looking into the relationship between gut health and food allergies (still super young in its research FYI).
Gut health & it’s relationship to food allergies
This post I interviewed a doctor about gut health and the role it plays in food allergies. I think that I should really be saying environmental allergies and intolerances. Another thing to note is this interview discusses the role of inflammation and the gut – since inflammation is a factor in many atopic diseases (eczema and asthma). But the research is still so new and we really can draw any conclusions at the moment.
Here you can just see the rumblings of starting to obsess with clean eating and avoidance of ‘inflammatory foods’.
The post starts with me saying I have never dieted, but I had a personal trainer who had me on a strict diet for 6 weeks. How did I not recognise that was a diet? Also, is cutting out sugar, not a form of diet? Giiiirl. I was so blinded by my obsession with ‘clean eating’ I could not see it as a form of dieting.
I don’t think the anger I had towards diets was unjustified. I said I was doing it for my skin, but really I was curious to see if I would actually lose weight during Whole30. The anger came from being annoyed that the only way to potentially lose weight was to eliminate a whole bunch of foods. And I didn’t want to admit I wanted to lose weight.
It was Whole30 that started the proper non-allergy food fear because they essentially label foods as bad, which I took very seriously at the time.
This is where I will say if you decide to do an elimination diet talk to a professional about it and get them to help guide you through. I did it alone and think it would have been better off with the advice of my doctor.
I do think that dairy plays some role in my eczema (I experienced some relief), however, it is not the only factor. My allergist was able to talk to me about it and what I can do to help my skin. Each case is different so make sure if you do decide to eliminate something it is for the right reasons and done properly.
This post you can see I am desperate not to use medicine to help my skin, but in the end that is what was needed. Eliminations alone would not have helped. This was just before the lowest part of my dieting experience and you can see how deep I am in here: “my intention is coming from a healthier mindset” Was it really though? I know that at this point in time I was flooding my brain with tons of information that was 100% claiming what I wanted to hear and was swept up in food is medicine hysteria.
Now for the positive stuff…
If you want to read some posts about coming to terms with my disordered eating check out:
Kortney is your typical atopic triad! She manages asthma, eczema, environmental and food allergies. Kortney is a co-creator of the online community Allergy Travels and co-host of The Itch Podcast. She wants to spread joy in a community that can easily see the hard side of life with atopic disease and believes that you can have a full life with food allergies, it may just be lived a little differently!